A Bunch of Silly Tales About Glen's Surreal Adventures and Perspective of Life!

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

And The Razzie Goes To...

Who else? US President George W. Bush won the Golden Raspberry Award for worst actor in Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11, beating the likes of Vin Diesel (Riddick the Lame) and Colin Farrell (Alexander the Dud)! It is definitely one of the 'happiest' moments for Dubya and we are extremely pleased to share an exclusive interview with the President himself! For those who are unaware of his recent secrets, prepare to be embraced! You have been warned!

Glen The Interviewer: Congratulations for winning the Raspberry Award for worst actor, Mr. President!

President Dubya: Thank you, Glen! I had never felt happier before since I was the first in movie history to participate the Razzie ceremony, enduring endless waves of pathetic performances by a bunch of losers before actually accepting the Raspberry a few minutes later! (The rest of the actors refused to take part, mind you!)

GTI: Uhmm, I don’t really want to disappoint you, Mr. President but the first person who actually did that was Tom Green.

(long silence)

PD: What?

GTI: Not a what, but a who, Mr. President. That weird guy who often appears in MTV as well as other stand-up comedies on TV. You seen him?

(another long silence)

PD: D**n that guy. And his outrageous jokes.

GTI: I am also told that Fahrenheit 9/11 received three other awards for worst couple (Dubya paired with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice), worst supporting actor (Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld) and worst supporting actress, Britney Spears! That's an additional triple ‘whammy’ for Moore’s anti-Bush documentary, Mr. President!

PD: Thank you once again, Glen! Actually, I am feeling much better when this propaganda receives recent bashing from the Razzie Foundation, despite the fact that it has won several awards internationally (In fact, Moore has been making a fool of himself since his crazy anti-Bush speech during the previous Academy Awards.) And do you know why everyone outside the US loves this 'junk'? Well, I'll tell you what: the whole world is known for criticizing the US policy, the Iraq War, the Gulf War, the Space Race, everything we Americans have fought for the last 100 years! To tell you the truth, these foreigners are jealous of us and they all want to be the next superpower houses of the next generation, something that we all try to prevent!


PD: Especially the ones who say that America must be perished for its arrogance or something... I dunno if that's gonna happen ever since the 9/11 tragedy. So far, we just receive threats from the terrorists on all sides. However, nothing is done on purpose.

GTI: Well, I have heard some news concerning your secret conversations with some guy who states that you are not worthy enough to become a President of some sort? Additionally, I heard that you also tried on drugs once when you were a kid, don't you, Mr. President?

PD: That's truly absurd! Who told you about that, Glen?

GTI: The whole world naturally knows, Mr. President.

PD: ...

GTI: I guess we push our subject too far, Mr. President.

PD: Perhaps you are right, Glen. Whatever you hear about me is pure bullcrap, OK? And to our fellow American children, don't try to imitate what I did in the past, even if these are just lies, OK?

GTI: Hmm, fine. Anyway, since your fellow comrades have won the Razzies, do you have anything to say to them?

PD: Oh yes! I wish to thank Secretary of State Condoleezaa Rice for supporting my campaign throughout the last election! Also, I would like to thank her for supporting my determination to eradicate all forms of terrorism while refurbishing our very own policy to make America a safer place to live! Defense Secretary
Donald Rumsfeld also helped us in finding and establishing ideas to create newer weapons and other necessities to defend our lands from the likes of Al-Qaeda and beyond! And lastly but not least, the talented singer Britney Spears for actually making a mockery of HER OWN COUNTRY'S POLICY while CHEWING BUBBLE GUMS in front of the media! (And she REALLY deserves it at the end!)

GTI: Ha ha ha! That's right! Truthfully, I find all of her music videos hard to swallow due to their...er....

PD: Inappropriate contents? Lewd presentation? Yeah, Ms. Spears is very well known for such indecency these days, of course! These are some of the things that everyone in America shouldn't be exposed to. Unfortunately, this is the 'land of the free', Glen and everyone seems to abandoning their natural instincts and codes to become a real 'American' citizen. May God have mercy on them all.

GTI: *sniff* That's correct, Mr. President. That's absolutely correct.

PD: Thank you. I really appreciate your complements, Glen.

GTI: No sweat. Looks like we are running out of time so we have to say goodbye to all our fellow readers out there! Do you have any last words, Mr. President?

PD: Well, actually, I would like to say thank you to all of our American moviegoers as well as those who know well about my current crusade against terrorism. And to Mr. Moore, I'm truly sorry about all the failures you have just met recently. Despite all of your efforts, that is not enough to topple me down and everything you say in your propaganda still doesn't change our minds! (Even the Kerry Mania can’t withstand my wrath!) The audience only listens to what we at the White House have to say, not you, Mr. Moore! We are the ones who decide our fate! We have the power to prevent anything like Fahrenheit 9/11 from ever getting a chance of winning an Oscar for Best Documentary! Interfere with our plans again and we'll pulverize you for good!

GTI: Thank you (again and again!) for taking some time with us, Mr. President!

PD: You are welcome, Glen! God Bless America!

- From Glen and his alter egos!

*All the contents in this interview are pure fictitious. However, some are based on real current events. Despite what you read here, they are all just trying to crack your mind!*

COMING UP NEXT: AN EXCLUSIVE 77TH ACADEMY AWARDS (BEST FIGHTER AWARD) COVERAGE! You already know who won the game (legally) but what about the secret elusive category that everyone has been talking about? (You can read more about that in the previous post 'The Battle For The Oscar Has Begun...') Stay tuned as Glen The Interviewer takes a closer look at the final match between the Oscar heavyweights! Which movie will reign supreme? (The Million Dollar Baby's recent victory doesn't count, unfortunately!)

- Glen The Interviewer


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